This Bird.

As I sit here watching “Definetely, Maybe” starring Ryan Reynolds. Its about a political consultant who explains his past relationships to his 11-year old daughter. Now he’s  fallen in love with these girls and yada yada. Whatever, I dont remember where I was going with that. But me, while I watch movies or do anything I often drift off and think of other things. This particular movie had me thinking about marriage and my future.

I have older friends, always have. My lady, shes 22? I believe. Not married, no boyfriend, not really dating, i don’t think. I always told her when I was younger and she was maybe around 20. “Girl! You better get to dating, your time is coming up! You should be finding a husband”. Me being 19 going on 20 in July (I still feel 17, like its weird i cant believe it.) I’m wondering, really? Is my time coming already? I’m growing up way too fast. I’ll be 20 I should be dating and looking for that potential husband and father to my KID (not kids)….right? Theres no one to say if thats right or wrong. Shit, i’m not sure if this is the thoughts i need to be thinking!

Also my English professor gave us an assignment that we have to write about our “dream date” or some bullshit like that. We have to describe their character traits, physical appearance, and some other bullshit. Well I think this assignment is bullshit and shallow. Maybe i’m just thinking too much (which i def. know I do).

Speaking of bullshit. College, ya’ll. I’m a freshy. 2nd semester. Pre-Med student. SOON NOT TO BE, lol i swear. Going in I knew what I wanted to do but i knew all along I just need this push, drive, motivation for my lazy ass! I read inspirational quotes and blah..Thats how much I need it lol. There’s this girlfriend of a buddy i once knew & he was a friend of an old ex of mine. Beautiful girl, seems smart, he talked to me about her what she was going to school for, what career she was heading towards. This all came about cause we were having a convo of the direction we wanted to go in the future. She wanted to be an entertainment lawyer, i think? I know it was some type of lawyer. Instantly I thought wow, thats an inspiration. I dont know what it was that made me catch on to this and be so amazed as i was, secretly. But, I was. Recently Eric , “JFKennedy” gave me his blog to read, and me, I like to read peoples blogs and i’m nosey.. so i was going through his friends/followers, whatever they’re called..and I came across hers. I knew it was her because of this picture i seen when i clicked on the blog. I read her entries and how she didnt exactly know what she wanted to do at first. Yada yada yada. This sounds weird as fuck I know. But I promise its nothing like that lol. Knowing nothing but what i’m reading of this woman which is really..not really anything. I find this woman to be such an inspiration and makes me want to do MORE. Have more of a career & be more goal oriented, just makes me want more. It gives me more of a push when I read about the little journey and how hard shes obviously had to work. Why cant I do it? As a Pre-Med student (OB/GYN) I’m gonna need to work HARD & I know I cant be lazy doing this shit. I need a B to get into a Medical School. I’ll be starting my career (im guessing) at about 26, give and take a few years. I explained to my stepfather how I thought this was kinda old to be starting right? Like what am I suppose to do in the mean time for money?

What a lost child. I’ll wrap this up some other time. Its 4 and I def. have a 8am class.

“I’m a nervously lost girl, starring at you, so maybe i’ll put on my high heel shoes and soar the night away. But, whatever I do..I’m not gonna slow this bird down, i don’t wanna look life in the eye, i’m not gonna fall face first in this spiral called a life” - Solange.